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Relationship Strategy

Quality time: Time spent with family or friends, time that is important, special, productive or profitable. Spending quality time means paying full and undivided attention to the person/matter at hand. Though the chance to enjoy quality time is often limited, what is most is important is the value attached to the events or interactions which occur.

There is no question that teachers, mentors and parents have busy schedules. Some of us who do have time to spend with kids are limited in the amount of time we can spend together. No matter what your relationship with your “significant kid” one thing is for sure; those of us who spend time with kids want to make the most of it. But, this can be a challenge.

For many people, quality time equals educational experiences that result in higher school achievement, so, therefore, quality time often means reading books, writing stories, doing math puzzles, etc. Of course, these are all great ways to use time, but, learning can happen by doing things that do not seem connected to developing academic skills.

Learning is thinking – and one aspect of thinking is discovering how knowledge learned in the classroom fits in the “real world” – into the everyday things we do in the kitchen, the garden, the grocery, the park, the bank and the car.

Research tells us that it’s not necessarily what you do with a kid that stimulates learning and thinking, but how you do it. With this in mind, here is one of my favorite strategies for encouraging kids to think.

Use your kids’ questions as opportunities to encourage thinking. For example, if a kid asks “why is the sky blue,” you have some options. You can give a scientific answer, or shrug and say “I don’t know.” Or you can respond with a question of your own: “Why do you think the sky is blue?” Responding to an open ended question in this way (respectfully) can lead to conversation and real thinking – perhaps about the many colors we actually see in the sky, about clouds, about light and reflections, the sea, the trees and more. Engaging in conversation about all of these ideas allows your kid to form and express ideas. Since this is an open ended question, there are really no wrong answers, and, with no pressure to find the “right’ response, you may be surprised to discover just how much your kid knows, as well as how he thinks.

Responding to a question with “what do you think, how would you do that, how can we find out, or why do you think that happened?” is like opening a door to possibilities, imagination, thoughts, and sometimes silliness and laughter. It’s a great way to make connections – between the two of you, and between thinking and “real life.”

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A meeting with Ockley Green principal, Joseph Malone, this morning yielded (among other things) this great idea. It’s called the Student Strength Journal. Mr. Malone says that providing opportunities for teachers to describe and share with other teachers and staff the strengths that they recognize in individual students often has surprisingly positive results.

This is a great example of a way to build Level 2 relationships (in Lesson 3 of the course)  – it’s a way to pass on some of the benefits (knowledge and caring) of the relationships you may have nurtured in your circle of kids. Its also a great way to pass on positive information that others who may also work or interact with this kid, may not know, but should. It is also a way to begin to capitalize on the students’ natural resources.

Make a list of strengths – at Ockley Green they keep the list in a journal for all to see. Acknowledging each kid’s strengths and abilties, and taking the time to speak them out loud, is a way for everyone who works with the kids to see them in new and often brighter ways.

Try this: “Did you know that James has a real ability to draw … that Marci is a whiz at calculating math problems in her head … that Lili works very well with kindergarteners … that Enrique can sing in two languages … that Bill has a wonderful sense of humor?” Now you do. Pass it along.

By the way, this is a great activity for any peer group – recognize and acknowledge the strengths of your coworkers, invite kids to recognize the strengths they see in the kids they know. Tell someone something good about someone - say it out loud.

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*Visit each of their classes weekly.  (I teach vaious health a social skills lessons to students.) This helps to get to know the students invividually and how they interact with their peers.  It shows you who is: absent or late frequently to school; those with attention deficits;  students who are more emotional; those who are cognitive challenged; those that work well in a group versus working independently; students with trust issues; etc.  The students get used to seeing your face in their classes and in the hallways, and over time learn to trust who you are, and will start filtering down to your office for issues that can’t be addressed in a classroom setting.  

*After I get to know students better, I try to pair them up with things they can do at school that make them feel positive about themselves.  Such as, help me with some projects I am working on like cutting out things, stapling or taping things up on walls or on to bulletin boards.  Set them up to volunteer in other classes, such as with the kinders, reading to them, helping them with their work, filing things for the teachers, etc…

*I randomly invite students to come eat lunch with me in my office and play board games afterwards.  This builds trust, and lets me know if the student has other needs that are going unmet.  I often go outside during their recess times and walk around and just talk to various students.  I bring a jumprope and encourage students to come over and play the game with me.  I have even gone to a few baseball and karate tournaments of some of our students. 

*When I notice students are arriving late to school, I ask them if they have had breakfast today.  If they have not, I let them know that they can always come to me and I will provide them a juice box and a granola or nutri grain bar. 

*I often go to the cafeteria at lunch time and sit at random tables to just talk with students.  Being where the students are in their social element is where you will most often build relationships with students. 

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