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    Making Connections is an innovative, online learning tool designed to give mentors, teachers, counselors and volunteers the strategies and tools they need to build strong relationships with kids. For more information, click here.
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    The Making Connections Blog is a place where mentors, teachers, counselors and volunteers who work with kids can come together to find support, resources and information that they can use to help them be even better at their jobs. It is a place to find answers, explore solutions, make connections, and share ideas, experiences, challenges and knowledge, all with the intent of finding more and better ways to build the kinds of relationships that help keep kids in school.
  • About Tobi Kibel Piatek

    Blogger, course developer, and instructor, Tobi Kibel Piatek, writes about education, designs curriculum, graphics and websites, and teaches teachers, online and in person. A long time mentor, parent and educator, her work combines a love for kids, learning and technology.

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    A Taste Of Success

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

    I don’t accept excuses about kids not learning. You can’t blame the kids … If a child does not succeed; it means the adults around him or her have failed.” 
    Geoffrey Canada, president and CEO of
    Harlem Children’s Zone, a nonprofit providing education and support programs for poor families in Harlem.  


    Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the challenges of educating tough kids, kids  from poverty, kids who don’t want to learn, and kids who seem beyond the reach of what our schools can provide. I’ve been reading a lot, and turning to the media for ideas. One of the messages that keep coming up is that to reach those kids who are hardest to connect with, we need to find ways to make what they learn meaningful; to connect their learning to their real lives and real goals. In other words, find ways to motivate kids to want to learn. All good advice, but how?

    A blog is a great venue for sharing other people’s great thoughts and ideas. And this message, an essay for This I Believe, by Geoffrey Canada, on the NPR website not only contains an inspiring message, but expresses what I BELIEVE far better than I can. It is also a recipe for success (listen, you’ll see what I mean.)

    PLEASE TELL US: What motivated you to stay in school? What motivates you now? Please share your thoughts, and your ideas for ways to motivate kids. 

    Topics: How to Help, Inspiration, Recommended Resources | 1 Comment »

    Kids need goals

    By Shelly Brock | Sunday, November 2nd, 2008

    I try to address each of the problems that are individualized to each of my children’s personalities. My daughter has ADHD.  She and I work together to create techniques to help her concentrate. For example, when she is listening to a teacher lecture she tends to drift off and not remember what was said, so I taught her to repeat each word being said, in her mind, as they say it. This is an effective trick.

    All of my foster kids are dealing with many …issues (covered in the course). For a lot of the problems I have found that giving them a structured environment, cognitive awareness, and positive feedback helps begin the journey of re-socialization.

    Many of these kids have never had someone talk to them about a direction in life. It is my opinion that kids need to always have a goal that they want to reach. I’m a firm believer in the saying “idle hands are the devil’s playground.”

    I especially believe that kids need to start thinking about the things they want to be when they grow up early in life. I’m not saying they need to know what they really want to be in a definitive form. I’m saying that the seed for being able to see the big picture of life helps them to strive to reach their full potential because they have goals.

    I believe a big part of our responsibility to our kids is to teach them all the possibilities in life and give them all the opportunities and tools to explore them. There is a power in positive thinking and it is contagious. When a child knows that you believe they can do or be anything they want to be,  then they in turn will know that they can  … and they will.

    Topics: How to Help, Relationship Strategy | 1 Comment »

    Positive Progress May Come in Small Steps

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

    Thank you to Making Connections student Shelly, for allowing me to post this comment from our class discussion about the importance of a positive attitude when working to build relationships with (challenging and challenged) kids.

     

    I am currently caring for a young boy with whom I have begun to build a solid relationship. He is a very loving child and for the most part well behaved. The problem both his teachers and I (his foster parent) are encountering is that he has an anger control problem. On the surface he does not appear angry but when he is teased or provoked in any way by other children his immediate reaction is to use physical attack to express his emotions of irritation. His teachers and I have focused on teaching him cognitive behavioral skills to help him re-train myself to react differently. We have been working with him for six months now and he is like a new child. The last three months there has been not one incident of anger at school or at home.

    When we first began that journey there were days I thought to myself that I could not handle this boy and wondered if I could even help him. In those times I found it helpful to remind myself of even the smallest of victories in this boy’s progress. These attitudes and strategies helped me.

    Positive Progress Points to View

    Topics: Creating a Positive, How to Help, Relationship Strategy | No Comments »

    IS IT TOO LATE? A call for answers

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

    As students in this course are exploring and considering the reasons why kids drop out, and how to recognize the signs - a question has been raised. IS IT TOO LATE to intervene once students start displaying signs that they are going to drop out? 

    What do you think? Please share your opinions based on your research and personal experience? Do you have a story about what worked? Experiences with failed efforts?

    Simply click on comment below this post to add your thoughts, ideas and experiences with kids (and your own lives as well.)

    Topics: Dropouts, How to Help | 10 Comments »

    Community Service Puts At-Risk Kids in a Good Light

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

    I visited my friend at the beach last week. She is now, as she always been, active in lots of community activities. We attended a meeting together, where I was a basic fly on the wall, eating pizza and listening to the group of volunteers who plan and execute Depoe Bay’s Salmon Bake debrief the details of their annual fundraiser. This is always a very popular event that raises money for the local Chamber of Commerce, town events and other projects.


    The talk was about what went well, what could be done better next year. Everyone had a chance to talk. Over and over, after the details were shared, I kept hearing the same theme; “… and the kids were fantastic. The kids were so much help; the kids did such a great job, the kids made all the difference.”

    Who were the kids, what did they do? I was surprised to learn the answer. I must admit that my first thought was that the kids referred to little kids – maybe kids singing and entertaining. Then I thought about kids from the high school – maybe getting extra credit. The kids, the helpful, friendly, efficient and hardworking kids, were, in fact, a group from the Lincoln County Juvenile Department. Their presence at this event was an opportunity for them to do community service.  But, the event turns out to be an opportunity for far more than that. For some kids, I am told, this was a rare chance to actually talk to older people (many of the Salmon Bake participants are senior citizens.) It was a chance to be part of the community in a positive way. It was a chance to do hard and meaningful (and maybe even smelly) work, to follow through, to work with others, to cooperate. Most of all though, it was a chance for the community members to see these kids – who are often thought of as trouble and problems, in a new and positive light.

    I often write in this blog about the importance of inviting community members INTO your school or program. This meeting reminded me of the importance of creating opportunities for kids to get out and become a valuable part of their own community. As I constantly realize when writing about the many ways we can make connections, helping kids find opportunities to offer service to the community means that everybody benefits.

    Topics: Community Service, How to Help | No Comments »

    Bullies & Victims: What Teachers, Mentors and Parents Need to Know

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

    Kids who feel unsafe in school are more likely to drop out. Even in the most caring school communities, many kids face disrespectful and sometimes abusive behavior, from other kids. Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of bullying knows that make life in school and in the neighborhood unpleasant or even terrifying. Bullying is definitely a challenge that some students face today. It is an issue covered in the course, but well worth mentioning here.  The following article, from Skipping Stones Magazine (a great resource) has information that help teachers, mentors and parents identify and address bullying behaviors in their classrooms, programs and communities.  
     
    Students can get bullied due to factors such as race, social status, sex, age, disability, physical features, or being otherwise different.
     

    Bullying can take the form of name calling, teasing, fighting or attacks, taking money, vandalizing belongings, and may result in anger, fear, sadness, insomnia, lack of appetite or withdrawal from activities. Falling grades, mood or habit changes, drug or alcohol problems or self-esteem issues may also result.  There is a fine line between bullying, school violence and violation of human rights. Bullying even violates some of the articles in the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. For example, Article 12 of this declaration states: “No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and reputation.  

    Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.” To empower your students against bullying, you may wish to share the following advice with them: 

       Be kind and respectful to yourself and others. Minimize or avoid contact with people who diminish others.

    •  Believe in yourself. People can make you feel inferior only with your permission. If you strive to be a good person each day, no one can diminish you on the inside.

    •  Practice withholding judgments of yourself or others. Take the time to get to know people to end gossip (myths).

    •   If you are a bystander, report incidents of harassment to an adult. You will not be tattling. Rather, you will be alleviating the suffering of another student and creating a support network for someone in need of your empathy and compassion.

     •   If, as a bystander or victim of bullying, you do not get help from one adult, continue to look for an adult who can help and seek support from family and friends. 

    If students, teachers and parents everywhere work on this issue, eventually there will be less school violence in the  U.S. and around the world. Everyone has the right to live in peace on Earth—free from harassment and intimidation. — Patricia Wong Hall, educator,

    Oregon.  

    Topics: Creating a Positive, How to Help, RESOURCES | 3 Comments »

    How to Create a Boy-Friendly School

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

    The subject of how boys are struggling in school and in life seems to come up regularly in the media. Two years ago, PBS ran a powerful documentary, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys, which “explores the emotional development of boys in

    America today.”  It describes American boys as “the most violent in the industrialized world,” and clearly shows that many boys are struggling in school, and unable to express their emotions.  

    This week, there is an article in Newsweek, Struggling School Aged Boys. Though the medium is different, the message is the same. Many boys, (according to the research) an extraordinary percentage of them, are having emotional or behavioral problems that are affecting their lives, and their ability and willingness to stay in school. Many of the problems are severe enough to cause parents to consult a doctor or health care professional.

    As an educator, parent, and citizen of the nation that leads the world in fatherless families, violence and failing boys, I can’t stop thinking about the faces, and the voices of the boys in the film, and the issues and problems of the boys I see and hear about every day. So, the questions keep playing in my head … How can we do a better job of raising our boys? And, what can Oregon educators do to create a boy friendly school - a place where boys feel safe, welcome and able to learn and be themselves?To clarify my thoughts, I contacted Marilyn Brown-Dikeos, whose program Empowered Learning includes strategies that teachers, mentors and parents can use to help boys feel safe and respected in the classroom.  She offers the following insights and strategies.

    1. Honor the risk of learning. Trying to learn something new can be risky for a boy who is afraid to fail. Help your student’s understand that learning is a process that includes trying, doing, and making mistakes. It is not about achieving perfection. Value a student’s attempts to master a new subject or skill. Celebrate effort and recognize even small accomplishments along the way.

    2. Provide safe entry points to learning.  Group learning and project based activities offer multiple entry points for students. The ability to choose a role or task which will allow him to work from his strength may help a boy feel confident enough to enter into an activity.

    3. Allow students to self-evaluate. Many boys struggle in school because success and failure are tied up with their sense of themselves. A boy who gets a bad grade or fails a test is likely to feel stupid and embarrassed in front of his classmates. Rather than risk failing again, some boys simply stop trying.  One way to work around this is to allow students to grade themselves according to the criteria you set. When they turn in a paper ask, “What grade do you think you earned?” Allow them to tell you how they might have done better. Remind a boy that understanding how to do better next time shows that he is learning.

    4. Treat them with respect and kindness. Just because boys don’t show their emotions, we tend to treat them as if they aren’t there. In fact, research shows that boys are even more sensitive and more eager to please than girls. Treat them as if they are fragile. They are.

    5. Provide opportunities for boys to talk about their feelings – through sports or chess or other games. Boys need to be reassured that their inner lives are NOT shameful, that play violence is not violence. Use their violent games and fantasies as a starting point for conversation or story writing.

    6. Boys need to move around. Recess time is being eliminated as school days are shortened. Try to find ways to build action and motion into your activities and schedule.

    7. Boys need to feel safe. They need an adult to talk to about bullies, fear, humiliation and their need to be protected. They also need an adult to show them that men are caring, compassionate and kind.

    8. Offer opportunities for boys to resolve their own conflicts.  Conflict resolution takes communication skills, the ability to listen, willingness to compromise, and often, creativity.  It can help boys reflect on their actions, and see them from someone else’s point of view. Best of all, the ability to resolve a conflict without rage and aggression can result in friendship, something that no boy can succeed without. Related Resources: For more information about this subject, help for parents, and classroom ideas, visit the following websites

    Raising Cain: Boys in Focus

    http://www.pbs.org/opb/raisingcain/

    The PBS Parents Guide to Understanding and Raising Boys

    http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/index.html

    Boys in School

    How to help boys adjust to school and schools adjust to boys.

    http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/school.html

    Buy the Program

    Raising Cain (DVD)

    http://www.shoppbs.org/product/index.jsp?productId=2175911

     

    Topics: Boy Friendly Schools, Creating a Positive, How to Help, RESOURCES, Relationship Strategy | 1 Comment »

    A Principal’s Ideas to Strengthen the Family/School Partnership

    By Tobi Kibel Piatek | Friday, August 22nd, 2008

    Thank you to Jared Cordon, Principal at Fir Grove Elementary School in Beaverton for these ideas. I heard Jared speak, with Susan McKinney, Principal of McKinley Elementary School, at the Beaverton Diversity Summit. To learn more about this event, and you can find the brochure online at http://www.beaverton.k12.or.us/pdf/ins/ins_2008%20Diversity%20Summit%20Program.pdf

    The theme of the talk I listened to was Honoring Cultures by Honoring Our Families. These are some of the ways that Mr. Condon strengthens the Family/School Partnership in his school. He was kind enough to allow me to share his ideas on this blog. These are his words edited for space and clarity:

    Home Visits: Everyday I would recieve a list of students who had been absent more than two days without an acceptable excuse (sickness, vacation, etc). I would visit the family, meet the parents, bring the school assignments the child missed, talk to the parents about the importance of education in their child’s life, and problem-solve ways to get the students to school and the parents involved. I tried to follow-up with parents periodically and find good news to report to them regarding their child  - to positively reinforce the fact that the child does well in school - no matter how difficult it is for some parents to get them there.

    Parent Nights:  These nights were targeted toward educating parents around best practice strategies. We asked parents what they wanted to know more about and asked teachers what areas their students needed more work in. Attendance (at these events) increased dramatically throughout the school year. We always provided a full dinner and tried to have extras to send home with families. (NOTES: Baja Fresh and Noodles were wonderful to work with. We spent about $4300 on food. The PTO was a great help. Attendance figures for the 07-08 school year Parent Nights increased from 20 at the first, to 41, then 72, 151, 219, 286, 423 and about ONE THOUSAND at the Community celebration at the end of the school year!!!!)

    Teaching in Apartments: At Fir Grove Elementary, all of our Somali families lived in one large apartment complex. We went to them. Parent education forums, teaching their children. (Thanks to the Welcome Center for providing a translator.) We had huge results. Some tips - always have food and books for the families. Consider their basic needs.) A side benefit of these ‘apartment nights” was that great networking and support began to develop among the families who met through these meetings.  

    SOME ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS: When the goal is strengthening the Family/School Partnership:

    Topics: BACK TO SCHOOL, Family Involvement, How to Help | No Comments »

    Whether in a classroom, an afterschool program, summer camp, or at home, creating an atmosphere in which everyone feels good about themselves will very likely result in a place where learning and good relationships can flourish.

    These great ideas for building positive self image (adapted from Building Self Concept in the Classroom, an article by Pat Huggins, Northwest Clearinghouse for Gifted Education) will work as well with parents and community members, as they do with all of the kids in your classroom or program. Try them, and then, please share your thoughts and the responses you see from your kids and their families.

    1. Teach well. There is nothing more important for anyone, than believing and experiencing that he is able to learn.
    2. Help kids find an area that has challenge for them; one in which they can find success. Self-confidence is very much the result of having met and handled a series of challenging situations.
    3. Relate kids’ successes to a more central belief; i.e., academic ability. If a kid can see herself as capable of learning, or creating, or thinking well, you reinforce this central belief.
    4. Demonstrate caring and acceptance for all kids. The most important way we can show our interest is by truly listening.
    5. Use special notes, awards, certificates, etc., to make kids feel special. There are few self-concept building strategies more potent than taking the time to write a note to tell someone that you noticed a particularly good behavior, a sincere effort, a job well done, or that you simply just plain like him. Tape the note to his desk, or her notebook, and watch the expression when it is discovered.
    6. Give kids some responsibility. This can be a very effective way to demonstrate trust in the kid’s ability to handle the job.
    7. Remind kids to stop engaging in self-deprecation and start engaging in self-appreciation. Teaching kids to speak positively of themselves and others will go a long way toward improving self-concept.
    8. Teach kids to use inner speech to build their own self-esteem. Help them reverse the habit of negatively evaluating themselves and encourage them to believe in their inner worth.
    9. Make sure that kids understand that is acceptable to make mistakes, and to fail. The important thing is to try again.
    10. Teach kids not to allow put-downs and criticism to erode their self-esteem.
    11. Teach kids to nurture and support one another by increasing positive interactions. Encourage the development of a supportive community – a place where people are kind, work hard, and cooperate.
    12. Help kids learn to visualize themselves as self-confident and successful in the things that are important to them, and to affirm to themselves that images represent plausible goals.
    13. Create an environment where kids learn to accept and express their feelings openly, without fear of criticism or rejection. Allowing people to own personal feelings and reactions can have a powerful impact on self-esteem.
    14. Help parents and family members understand the tremendous impact they have on their child’s self-concept. Take all opportunities (at conferences, through your communications, etc.) to make parents aware of the direct relationship between self-concept and achievement.
    15. MODEL: The best way to teach kids to feel good about themselves is to provide a positive role model. Keep in mind that building self esteem is a tough job. Accept the times when you feel like you’ve failed, and forgive yourself – again and again.

    Topics: Creating a Positive, How to Help | No Comments »

    Getting to Know Kids

    By Jenn Frederick | Monday, April 21st, 2008

    Things that I can do to help me get to know the kids I work with:

    1. Students write about themselves as a reader and a writer at the beginning of the year, which helps me ascertain their confidence and perhaps level of expertise

    2. Talent show within the classroom: students showcase skills other than academic

    3. Check-in: a time to talk about the weekend, share highlights and lowlights, and acknowledge successes outside the classroom (in sports, for instance).

    4. A Mandala essay at the beginning of the year asks students to think about the things they most value in life and create a beautiful mandala with symbols to represent those things.

    5. Free choice book clubs, where each student chooses whatever book in the whole library that is appealing to him/her.  It’s interesting to see what they choose to read.

    6. Free writes on broad topics, with the understanding that they can use the topic as a starting place or just write whatever comes to their minds.

    I’ve used all of these to varying degrees in my classroom.  I certainly don’t know all my students well; some of them manage to avoid sharing anything personal even given all these opportunities.  But most of my students have volunteered information about themselves beyond the classroom, and I keep a record of what I learn in a word document.  I don’t refer to it often–the act of writing usually cements such details in my mind–but it is good to have such a record in a permanent place.

    Topics: How to Help | No Comments »

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