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2-Way Relationships- Advice, anyone?
By Danielle Miles | April 24, 2009
I work with a group of 30 kids. They are in Kindergarten and First Grade. They’re rad little people. I have had ups and downs with most of them, but there is one kid I have not been able to connect with all year.
When I try to discuss things with him, it is usually to help him process something he has done that hurt another kid somehow- physically or emotionally. He has sexually harassed other kids, hit other kids, or just pushed their buttons until they freaked out. When I am running “Circle Time” - a 15 minute daily group meeting- he will interrupt me so many times that I have to ask him to leave almost daily. When I ask him questions, he just shrugs and says “I don’t know. Can I have a snack?” or “I’m just kinda tired… can I go now?” I have not found any way to connect with him on a human level.
Some background info- he was adopted at an early age (his mom seems super cool), and was born drug-affected. I have worked with many “at-risk” kids, but I just haven’t been able to find a way to connect with this little guy.
Any creative ideas?
Topics: Help Wanted, Kids at Risk, Questions |
April 25th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Maybe stop asking questions. Maybe stop talking at all. My autistic kid was almost 3 before I realized that just sitting next to him eating a cinnamon role, which he really liked, IS a social activity and connection. If snack is a big thing for him, ask him if you can sit next to him while he eats his snack. Maybe bring a special snack and tell him that you saw it and thought he might really like it, or ask him if he’d like to share your snack. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like your connecting, but you still are.
By the way, 13 years lated my kid and I still go out and eat cinnamon roles together in near silence, but I can’t get him to shut up most of the time, so apparently the communication thing is fixed.
April 27th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, the problems teachers and mentors face are too big for them to handle alone. Is there someone in your building or program who can advise you? This child may benefit from professional counseling or other interactions. There are many resources listed on this site that may lead you to a program or person who can help you help this kid. You too may benefit by realizing that you may not succeed with every kid … but that there is help you can turn to.