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How to Reach Out to Kids from Military Families
By Tobi Kibel Piatek | January 20, 2009
Thank you to Rosanne Parry, author of the wonderful book, Heart of a Shepherd, for this article. Her ideas are a perfect way to start off our new administration - simple ways that we can be of help to those who are in service to our country.
Heart of a Shepherd will be available in bookstores everywhere on January 27th in hard cover, audio book, downloadable audio, and ebook formats.
“As the spouse of a Desert Storm veteran and a one-time teacher in a military accommodation school I have been concerned about the isolation of military families from mainstream society. Most people, although they support the troops, have no idea what a deployment costs a family on the level every day’s quiet needs. It is one reason why I chose a reservist’s family with a deployed parent for my first novel, Heart of a Shepherd. My story is set on a ranch in eastern Oregon and covers one boy’s journey of his father’s deployment. I hope it offers an honest look at what it means to send someone you love to a war. And I hope, as teachers (and mentors), we can find a way to creatively shepherd the children of soldiers through their parent’s deployments and beyond.” Rosanne Parry
To learn more about Rosanne, and her books, visit her website
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This December saw the return of one of the largest deployments of Oregon soldiers we have seen in the last six years of deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. Military families have seen unprecedented stresses and one of the things that has made the last six years unique is that we have deployed reservists more than ever before and deployed them multiple times. The children of these reservists are not in military accommodation schools on army bases surrounded by a cohort of classmates who are in the same boat. Reservists’ children are in your schools, sometimes the only child in their class with a soldier parent.
Fortunately, there are many things a teacher or mentor can do to support a student during a parent’s deployment. Just the daily structure of the school day and the consistency of working with the same teacher (mentor or even friend) is helpful. Here are some more ideas for helping a child cope with a military deployment.
- Acknowledge the soldier’s absence and encourage communication. A simple note or email to the family as soon as you learn of a deployment expressing your support and willingness to help sets you up for success over the coming months.
- Be patient with a student’s mood swings. It is extraordinarily stressful to have a parent in combat, and some children feel ambushed by sad and angry feelings that crop up with little warning. Establish ahead of time a secret sign and a place your student can go if he or she needs to scream, cry, tear up all the newspapers in the recycling bin, or just sit quietly and collect their thoughts.
- Be sensitive about news coverage. Some families stop reading and watching the news altogether because it is too upsetting. If current events are a part of the curriculum, consider alternate assignments.
- Display the flag respectfully in your classroom. It’s a small gesture that means a lot to military families.
- Avoid harshly partisan political discussions if you can. Although they are among the strongest supporters of free speech, many military families avoid expressing their political views while their loved ones are serving in a war zone. Political conversations can be quite painful.
- Watch for economic distress. There are many unanticipated expenses which go along with deployment: unexpected travel, phone bills, medical bills, and the loss of a reservist’s income. Discretely help the family take advantage of food stamps, WIC, reduced lunch, scholarships and clothes closets.
- Adjust the homework load. This student will have many extra chores and less oversight from the remaining parent, so consider shortening the homework, offering tutoring and time to complete work at school or adjusting due dates.
- Communicate good news with the deployed parent. Take pictures at school when the student is in the play or spelling bee or science fair. Email a copy of an outstanding essay, a high scoring math test or a work of art. Describe in loving detail a smart, kind or funny thing this student did at school. It means the world to a soldier far from home.
- Honor holidays, especially Veterans’ Day and Memorial Day. Invite a veteran from a local veterans organization to address you class. Remind the class why we celebrate these holidays.
- Pray. Most military families are people of faith. If you are too, tell you students that you are praying every day for their soldier’s safe return.
One More Idea: Children can be very kind and compassionate, especially if they have a little encouragement. On the kids page of my website there are some ideas for what a child can do to support a friend with a deployed parent.
Topics: Creating a Positive, How to Help, Relationship Strategy |