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How to make a difference
By Lisa Pfister | May 28, 2008
Shannon was new to our school this year. She had attended her previous school for grades K-4th. Her two teachers described her as sometimes out-going, and sometimes moody. They saw her as a student with a “chip on her shoulder”. Shannon was often in my office due to problems with her peers. She would never “tell” on her friends, and would take the blame for any offense. She would always tell me, “I’m not ratting my friends out.” I contacted the school counselor of her previous school. The counselor said they also saw the same behaviors and worked hard on helping Shannon overcome these behaviors. They saw her as a student with low self-esteem and looked for ways that she could be successful in their school.
I had a break through with Shannon when she was once again sent to my office due to problems with her peers. She came with a very defiant attitude, her body was stiff and angry, and she did not want to talk. I started talking to her very softly and gently. I told her that it must be really hard to come to a new school and have to make new friends all over again. I told her that I wondered why she chose these specific students to be her “friends “. I let her know that by choosing friends that make poor choices she was putting herself in a difficult position, and didn’t she think she deserved better? Or, does she believe that if she doesn’t “hang out” with these students then she would not have any friends at all? By this time Shannon was tearing up. Shannon then told me, “It’s better to have bad friends then no friends at all.” This let me know that Shannon does not think very highly of herself and takes whatever comes her way. I let Shannon know that we could work together to help her find friends that would appreciate who she is. I even let her know that if she was out on recess with her “friends” , and they were making poor choices, then she could come to my office and I would help her find other outlets to pursue in school. I let her know that we have a wonderful kindergarten teacher who would like her help in her class. Shannon told me she felt she was a poor student and couldn’t help others. I let her know that kinders love when the big kids come to their classes to help out and that she could also read with them. I also told her about a girls group that I run at school. It is for girls who want to form new and more appropriate friendships with other girls their age. Shannon told me she would think about this and get back to me.
A week later, Shannon came in from recess and asked if she could still volunteer in the kindergarten class. I told her that this job was still open if she wanted it. She also wanted to join the girls group. I talked with Shannon’s teachers, and the kindergarten teacher to set up arrangements for her to volunteer. Shannon goes three times a week, during her lunch recess, to work with the kindergarten students. This has been happening for three months now. The teacher said that at first Shannon was very untrusting of the teacher, but as she got to know her, became quite a joy to work with. Shannon has also befriended two girls from the girls group and “hangs out” with them outside of school. I have also spoken with her two teachers about setting up an evaluation for a possible learning disability. I learned that Shannon has great difficulty in reading and articulating her thoughts. Her prior school evaluated her for these three years ago and she almost qualified. We feel that if we test her first thing in the fall that she will most likely qualify. Shannon’s mom has also been in the loop of all decisions made regarding her daughter. Mom says she has noticed positive changes in her daughter. She says she laughs more and does not get as “difficult” as in the past.
One year down, one more to go!
Topics: Relationship Strategy, Resources for Teacher |